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Perception:" or what is real or what does it all mean.

When inside pressure exceeds outside forces
Flesh, fragile thing, shatters
Blood is everywhere
Tiny shards of flesh
particles, photons, protons, electrons, neutrons
The DNA of grief and pain
of regret and guilt

I am there,;.
the world has closed in again
Devils with spears
are piercing my body

I stand helpless and stunned,
not believing i am back here again
Burning with self hate

i see the other world like a dream
Where forgiveness lives and
Acceptance keeps a soft and tender vigil.

i bang against the walls
that have grown up around me crying
to be let out
Let me into the world again where i can have a
to live in peace and thrive without
trying to destroy myself

Two hours later conditions change

Hope that little bird is flying around my room
Ease holds out its hand

Thank God I didn't have to stay too long this time
in the abyss, in that hell I make for myself somehow

Ah no... you see it still exists
And i am really still there
Nothing changed but my perception

I know that pain waits for my attention
I strain away from it
to warmer kinder climes

--Baychester 5-12-2002